I am sitting outside this evening in Arizona basking in blue skies, mountain views, and warm temperatures. I am feeling good and it seems that my arthritis has gone on hiatus. Diabetes is just being diabetes and I am doing my best to ignore it and leave the work up to Control IQ. The coyotes are howling and I hope it is with joy at the day and not for a recent bunny kill. Doves are cooing and a pair of Gambels quail is investigating my geranium pot as a potential nesting spot. Weird crane flies are everywhere with their whispy daddy long-leg look. A pair of mallards has determined that our swimming pool might be their new home.
But coronavirus is out there. On paper I am at high risk for a poor outcome should I get sick with the virus.
I wrote the above paragraphs 10 days ago when I was still living in the world of social distancing as a snow day. I knew that things weren’t a holiday but I wasn’t tired of being alone and wasn’t yet worrying about how diabetes would impact my prognosis in the coronavirus epidemic. I wasn’t yet worrying about how horrible it will be to get critically and painfully ill. (I haven’t even had the flu since the 1970’s.) I wasn’t yet worrying about how one of my sons will survive financially when he and his wife both need to work but have no childcare. I wasn’t yet worrying about the endgame of most of the country staying at home.
I didn’t have a pit in my stomach yet.
I do now. Not every minute of every day but often at 2:30am for several hours. Not all day every day but a lot of the time. It usually disappears when I get to FaceTime with my children and grandchildren. I normally spend a lot of time alone and social distancing is not difficult for me. It allows me to go on solitary hikes in the desert and spend hours every afternoon doing computer jigsaw puzzles. Interestingly I have not been able to find a new Netflix or Amazon Prime series to binge on and I have very little concentration for TV. But other things keep me entertained.
But the pit in my stomach and the stress of the unknown is never far away.
When will it be safe to return to normal? Has our world forever changed and what was normal will never be part of our lives again? Does our country have the leadership to weather this crisis? Will we have enough healthy medical professionals to care for us through this crisis. Will an economic recession destroy as many people as the virus?
Nothing that I am thinking or feeling is different from most other Americans.
I am writing this post from a life of privilege. My husband and I are comfortable at our Arizona home and we are able to walk around the neighborhood, hike in the nearby desert, and even play golf touching nothing communal on the course. We have enough food to last for several weeks. He has a job and is able to work remotely. I have several months worth of insulin in the refrigerator and diabetes supplies in the closet.
But I know that I am ill-prepared diabetes-wise should I get sick. My husband knows nothing about my pump and CGM. I am not sure that it matters much. If I am too sick to minimally care for my diabetes, I should be in the hospital. If I am hospitalized with coronavirus, my husband will not be able to visit or care for me. Plus he would also likely be sick since we are living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. There is a good discussion on TuDiabetes about a diabetes checklist for the hospital. I think it is unreasonable to think that my pump and CGM would be supported in a coronavirus crisis, but I like the idea of a file card screaming that I have Type 1 diabetes and require a long-acting insulin. Now that I am a senior, doctors tend to not understand that while I have a lot in common with people with Type 2, I am different and will quickly die without insulin.
Good things in my life: My husband and I are together and I know that he will take care of me to the best of his ability. I am able to FaceTime with my children and grandchildren. I love them and they love me. We have started a family blog and are sharing words, photos, and videos. My fitness instructor in Arizona is doing a MWF class live on Zoom. My yoga instructor in Minnesota is doing classes twice a week on YouTube. I have a diabetes online world with young and old friends alike. I have friends in Arizona and Minnesota who keep in touch. My husband and I are working hard to use our food efficiently and are varying meat and meatless dinners. Although it may be a blood sugar bomb, we are having French Toast for dinner tonight. Thick white buttermilk bread with lots of eggs, milk, and syrup.
Thick white buttermilk bread with lots of eggs, milk, butter, and syrup.
A definite good thing.
Bright yellow brittle bush blooms with a bee (yikes!)
Mallard lovebirds at my pool.
A paint with water picture by my 2-year old granddaughter.